I get it. My dad wasn't physically abusive but so manipulative that I was estranged from him for many years. But I did visit him twice in the last year of his life and feel like I understood him and respected some of his choices. My mother, on the other hand, was a narcissist and a black hole for all positive energy. In her last few years of life she alienated her entire family and friends who washed their hands of her. When she died, I hadn't spoken with her for three or so years, and, though I know in her last couple of years she was truly lost, I regret that our relationship ended like it did and that I didn't have a chance to at least see her once while she was still alive. There is something to be said for closure.